Rambling ~

by Âlâ Tevfik

I do not want a new table, new wooden table, I do not want a chair, I do not want a rug, I do not want a souvenir from a city I have visited once, or twice, I do not want a cigarette, I do not want a melody playing while writing, I do not want to hear voices, I do not need a smooth round lips rubbing my naked flesh, I do not want a companion, I do not need a cat, I do not want a Sakura planted in my backyard, I do not want a silk robe thrown on my bathroom floor, I do not need to clean my bathroom, I do not need a ghost ball dancing in my hallways, I do not need empathy, I do not want apathy, I do not want nor need.

I will not ask for forgiveness, I might do, thoughts might weaken my, I do not want thoughts, scattered thoughts, pouring feelings into my veins, I do not want to conquer illness, I do not need to conquer illness, to fight or not to fight? to give up or not to give up? Should I ask myself such questions? Why torture oneself? I do not want to ask myself, I do not want to ask, but I did, I might do.

I do not want to not want, but I do not, I do not need to not need, but…

— Lala Tevfik

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